love birds

Cary and Alex
SmartCouple Online Profile Report

Below are samples of two profile report sections and the corresponding videos. When you and your partner have completed the survey you will have immediate access to your custom profile covering all 12 topics areas.

good beginnings

1. My previous relationship ended
I was not in a significant previous relationship
more than 24 months ago
12-24 months ago
6-12 months ago
3-6 months ago
0-3 months ago
Answers
Cary: 12-24 months ago
Alex: more than 24 months ago
13. My previous relationship lasted
less than 12 months
12 - 24 months
2 - 5 years
5 - 10 years
more than 10 years
Answers
Cary: 12 - 24 months
Alex: 5 - 10 years
25. My previous relationship
ended by my choice
ended by mutual choice
ending was not my choice
Answers
Cary: ended by my choice
Alex: ending was not my choice
37. I think I have dealt honestly with any hurt that followed the ending of my previous relationship.
agree
disagree
does not apply to my situation
Answers
Cary: agree
Alex: agree
49. I sometimes wonder if I have recovered sufficiently from my previous relationship
agree
disagree
does not apply to my situation
Answers
Cary: disagree
Alex: disagree
60. I sometimes wonder if my partner is "on the rebound" from his/her previous relationship
agree
disagree
does not apply to my situation
Answers
Cary: disagree
Alex: disagree
70. I have "leftover" feelings from my previous relationship
agree
disagree
does not apply to my situation
Answers
Cary: disagree
Alex: disagree
79. I would characterize my life as a single person
just fine
okay, but not great
incomplete
I can't stand being single
Answers
Cary: just fine
Alex: just fine
87. I think I have my life pretty well together right now, whether I am in a relationship or not.
agree
disagree
Answers
Cary: agree
Alex: agree
93. I have a strong network of friends
agree
disagree
Answers
Cary: agree
Alex: agree
commentary — good beginnings

Items in this section will help you consider the question, "Am I relationship ready?" More specifically, as you enter a new relationship it is important to consider whether you have reached a level of closure with any previous relationships, whether past experiences create particular challenges for you in future relationships, and whether you are at a place with your individual well-being that you are ready to enter into a relationship in a healthy way.

Consider items 1, 13, and 25. Although every situation is unique, generally speaking if your previous relationship ended long ago, was relatively short in duration, and was ended by your choice, you are most likely to be ready to enter a new relationship. If your previous relationship ended recently, was of long duration, and it was not your decision to end it, the likelihood that you still have things to work through is higher.

The two of you are in a similar place in terms of relationship readiness when considering your previous relationships and how they ended (items 1,13,25).

While items 1, 13, and 25 deal with the natural progression of leaving a relationship that comes with the passage of time, items 37, 49, 60, and 70 ask about emotional factors that can influence the length of time it takes to be ready for a new relationship.

It appears that neither of you are carrying any significant baggage from your previous relationships (37, 49, 70). Do you agree?

Sometimes people look for a relationship to "complete" themselves in some way. The strongest relationships are typically built by two people who are independent and content as individuals. For these individuals, coupling is a bonus, not a necessity. Items 79, 87, and 93 offer some indication about where you land on this issue.

Both of you are comfortable and content being a single person (79,87,93). Ironically, this is a strength as you enter a relationship. It is good to enter a relationship because it adds to your life, not because it solves problems or fills a void. Congratulations on being in a place in your personal journeys where you are comfortable with yourselves!

communication

2. I think communication is one area we
are very good at
are okay with
could be better at
have some problems with
Answers
Cary: are okay with
Alex: are very good at
14. There are times when it is difficult to get my partner's attention
agree
disagree
Answers
Cary: agree
Alex: disagree
26. How much time do you spend together just talking?
a lot
a moderate amount
less than I would like
very little
Answers
Cary: a moderate amount
Alex: a lot
38. We set aside time that has no purpose other than to catch up on what's happening and how we are feeling
yes
no
we share that information while doing other things
Answers
Cary: yes
Alex: yes
50. When my partner has a difficult decision to make, she/he
consults with me always
consults me occasionally
consults me rarely
works it through on her/his own
Answers
Cary: consults with me always
Alex: consults me occasionally
61. My partner is
a better listener than talker
a better talker than listener
Answers
Cary: a better listener than talker
Alex: a better listener than talker
71. In terms of our conversations
I tend to control things
my partner tends to control things
Answers
Cary: I tend to control things
Alex: I tend to control things
80. One thing we seldom discuss is
religion
sex
money
family
feelings
previous relationships
things we disagree about
none of the above
Answers
Cary: previous relationships
Alex: previous relationships
88. I wish we would talk more about
religion
sex
money
family
feelings
previous relationships
things we disagree about
none of the above
Answers
Cary: none of the above
Alex: family
commentary — communication

Everyone knows that healthy communication is a critical part of a strong relationship. But of course it doesn't just happen, members of a couple need to work at it. Communication supports all aspects of intimacy: emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. For that to happen, the communication practices in a relationship must remain "fit." Just like a healthy diet or regular exercise require time and attention to keep your body healthy, communication requires time and attention to keep your relationship healthy. Communication is addressed in several sections of the survey. In this section we'll look specifically at the aspects of time and attention.

Alex, Cary offers a somewhat less enthusiastic assessment of your overall communication than you do (2). Why do you think that is?

Look at your responses to items 26 and 38. What do they say about your commitment as a couple to devote time to communication?

Alex, congratulations on your commitment to taking the time required to support healthy communication in your relationship (26,38).

Alex, Cary thinks that it is sometimes difficult to get your attention to talk (14). Do you agree? What do you think are the circumstances that make you less available to your partner in communication? How do you think you can be more available? Of course there is also the matter of boundaries to take into account. Members of a couple cannot be available to one another all the time. What do you think are the appropriate boundaries for communication availability?

Alex, you are more likely to consult with Cary when making difficult decisions (50). Do you wish that Cary would be more consultative, or are you comfortable with the way things are?

Both of you describe your partner as a listener (61). That's a great place to be because it probably means that both of you feel heard and valued in your communication.

You disagree about which one of you tends to control your conversations (71). That may be because there is a fairly close balance in control. It may also be because each of you has a perception of "control" that is based on different criteria. Which do you think is the case for you? The most important question is whether you are both comfortable with the balance of control in your conversations.

Items 80 and 88 list topics that you seldom discuss and topics you wish you would discuss more. Maybe you have simply not gotten around to discussing these topics. Maybe there are topics that are important to one of you, but not the other. Sometimes these are topics that are avoided for various reasons. Look at your responses together and think about which of these situations applies to these topics for you. Especially consider how you might add the topics indicated in item 88 to your communication.